Tag Archives: relationships

Love and Basketball: Full Court(ship) Press

I believe in courtship. In love and in life. I wholeheartedly endorse it.

Inquisitive passer-by: “Courtship, huh? Isn’t that an antiquated term for dating, circa Jane Austen?”¬†

Lindsay the Letter Writer: “Who says old-timey things are bad? Have you not seen Downton Abbey? That stuff’s legit right now.”

Inquisitive passer-by: “Well played, Auntie Quated. Well played.”

If I believe in a living Savior from 2,000 years ago, it makes perfect sense that I’d follow a concept from the 1500s, as well. ūüėČ

Courtship is more than a guided process of a man wooing a woman. It’s also the practice of testing out new things.

I think the 90-day new-hire probationary period is a form of courtship. The employer is checking to see if the employee really is qualified. And the employee is discovering whether or not they fit in at their new job.

We’ve got buyer’s remorse, so you can even court a car.

Or that 60-day money back guarantee. Courting a product.

Basketball

So why’s it so weird that a man would court a woman? What’s wrong with trusted leaders with experience in a marriage relationship guiding people they love through a journey of discovery?

If 50% of marriages allegedly fail, perhaps society should change their pre-marital approach.

Of all the marriages I’ve seen that first went through a courtship, 100% of them have succeeded.

I’m reporting my findings of watching this hypothetical love and basketball game between dating and courtship. The full court pressing in of courtship dominates the casual game plan of dating.

So, I choose courtship. Even if it means I’ve been single for 27 years. Even if both of my younger siblings are in a relationship and I’m not. Because if waiting for the one right man means a better marriage for me later, I’ll wait.

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Faux Real

It’s Wednesday.¬† Demonly enough, I’ve felt down every Wednesday in recent memory.¬† It’s strange because Wednesday nights I get together with my small group at church.¬† We eat, fellowship,¬†worship God with songs and then hear an encouraging word.¬† Typically, that combination of stuff is awesome.¬† It’s enjoyable.¬† It’s uplifting.¬†

So why don’t I feel encouraged?¬† Why am I not counting down the minutes until I leave?¬† Well, I’ve chalked it up to persecution from Satan.¬† He’s got me down.¬† He’s got me unexcited.¬† He’s put a heaviness in my spirit.¬† I’ve attributed it to tiredness.¬† I’d rather stay here and sit on the couch or watch a movie and go to bed early.¬† I’d rather just sulk here in isolation and pet my dog.

It’s silly how doing uneventful, community-deprived things seem more intriguing to me than spending time with acquaintances.

Wait.¬† Acquaintances is the problem.¬† Though I’ve spent multiple hours with these people and even shared a lot of my heart and self with them, I feel like we are only on an acquaintance level.¬† I haven’t come to a level of dependency with them.¬† I don’t need them to carry out my day.¬† They’re an add-in, not essential.

And…what’s worse…is that we’ve talked about how we need to be more than people who meet every Wednesday.¬† We need to dig deep with each other.¬† We need to spend time outside of our small group.¬† We need to make a sacrificial investment of time to each other.

But…we don’t.

Or…I don’t.

It appears (from the outside) that others do spend time together.  Young couples visit each other and eat meals with one another.  Some of the college-aged guys hang out, too.

But me…I’ve distanced myself from them.¬† I think partly because I don’t want to make their problems my problems.¬† I don’t want the mental burden of what they’re dealing with.¬†

Another part of it is I don’t like surface conversation.¬† I never really have.¬† I want deep, sincere, loving relationships.¬† I want people that I long to talk to and connect with.¬† I don’t want to talk to someone who asks me the same bland question every time they see me: “So, Lindsay…how was work today?”¬†

*sigh*

Although, I’m reminded that my deep relationships now used to be surface relationships.¬† They started at a surface level.

However, they quickly changed to meaningful.¬† After one day or a few conversations, we were steadfast friends.¬† I’ve spent months with these folks and some of them still don’t even understand what I do at work.

Spirit-led vulnerability enhances relationships.¬† I haven’t been vulnerable.¬† Well…vulnerable enough.¬† I value quality time.¬† I haven’t really given these people my quality time.¬† I’ve given them my obligated time.¬† The hours that I feel I’m required to be there in order to be considered part of the small group.¬† They’ve got me out of duty, not necessarily depth.

Honestly, it pains me to still be at a surface level with them.¬† I’m nearly in tears writing about it.¬† I’m not exactly sure what it will take for me to break through to the next level.¬† But I do know I can’t wait for them to confide in me first.¬† I need to be a leader.

I need to be real instead of faux real.

I need to press through the heavy, sad spirit that has fallen upon me and emerge with a light, lifely spirit instead.

I need to enhance my relationships.

Sighs him up

Yesterday was my birthday.¬† As I sat in my car during my lunch break today, I¬†pondered to myself, “I wonder if this’ll be the year that I find a boy….*corrects self*…a man.¬† I wonder if I’ll find a man this year.¬† Is this the year, God?¬† Is it?”

Since I’m 365 days older now, it was a natural point of reference to wonder about such a thing.¬† I’d think the same sort of stuff on January 1st.¬† It’s a new year, so I casually wonder what God has in store for me.

Mind you, I’m not worried.¬† I’m not craving every moment of my day to find a man to betrothe and live with forever.¬† I’m not pining over every male that I see walk by me.¬† I’m not even sad that I’m single.¬† I actually rather like it.¬† I’m fully aware that God uses my single years to draw me closer to Himself.¬† I appreciate and value my intimacy with Him.

As I munched on my Cheetos, I wondered further, “Will I get married, God?¬† Aren’t I supposed to be fully satisfied in You?¬† I know the Bible doesn’t promise that I’ll get married.¬† That’s not a guarantee.¬† I’m not unhappy this way.”

Really.¬† I’m not unhappy.

I continued further, “Although, I would really appreciate that level of companionship with someone.¬† I’d love to know someone that fully and completely.¬† I would love to have that eternal companion.”

I took a break and reminded myself that married people aren’t married in heaven.

“Well, eternal as far as life on earth goes.¬† I would love not to be alone when I go to major family events.¬† I’d love to have my own 4th of July celebration with my family–my husband and my kids–instead of hanging out with some other family that I don’t even really relate to.

I surmised that I don’t dwell on my current lack of marriage and companion relationship.¬† That makes me happy.

However, I was then reminded of something else.¬† I often size a brother up.¬† I see a guy at church that I know is single and I think to myself, “Yeah…he’d be a good husband.¬† I think we’d fit.”¬† Or…”No…he focuses too much on exercise.¬† I wouldn’t wanna think about health that much.”

One of my greatest weaknesses is sizing people up.¬† I do it for everyone, male or female.¬† I know it’s wrong.¬† I know I shouldn’t be so comparative and critical.¬† But so often, I am.¬† Let me tell you that I’m a lot better at¬†not comparing¬†than I used to be, but it’s still a purposeful mental battle for me not to be instantly judgmental.

I don’t pine after men.¬† But I do size them up according to my personal scale.

It’s honestly a mild form of objectification.¬† I take a man’s character and life and compare it to my personal ideals and desires.¬† It’s a great struggle.¬† One that the world thinks is stupid to even be concerned about.

Subconsciously or totally blatantly, I’m thinking about marriage when I size up a guy.

It makes me feel kinda shameful too.¬† I’m a tad hesitant to even mention this to the world public.¬† However, I think it’s something important to be discussed and admit.¬† After all, the Bible calls us to confess our sins to one another so that we can grow and be held accountable.

*accountably held*

My roommate mentioned that she didn’t think I’d get married this year.¬† I agree with her.¬† As long as this sized-up comparison continues, singleness will continue.

I have had days and weeks of breakthrough with this.¬† Sometimes I see my Christian brother and don’t think of them in a comparative way at all.¬† However, some days I do.

So as I tame this comparative mind of mine, please hold me accountable.¬† And don’t be surprised if you find yourself behaving the same way.¬† If ya do…let’s talk.¬† I have years of experience.