Tag Archives: courting

What Is Knew?

What do I know?  What’s there that I knew?

What’s knew is I’ve been learning a lot from my church lately.  There’s always something that I could blog about but whenever I’m really pensive it’s never when I’m at a computer.  And a BlackBerry really isn’t the best tool for writing a long blog.

So, bullet-point-esque as it is, here’s a quick run down…

1. I lost one job and got another.  (Doesn’t it seem like I’m always talking about jobs?  Feels like that to me.)  I was working as a Human Resources Assistant for about two months.  That’s what I started doing after my four month employment hiatus.  However, that job was temporary and its tempness ran out.  Thankfully, my manager told me a week ahead of time that my assignment was ending.  So, I applied at local grocery stores, banks, retail stores, etc.  I was willing to do pretty much anything to serve my community, even if it meant working as a cashier though I have a college degree.

However, my former boss (the one I had while working at CCM Magazine) called me up and offered me contract work at her current job.  She was laid off from CCM a little while before I was.  So, thank the Lord, I am now working again as a Search Engine Optimization Specialist.  Basically I help make websites more search engine friendly.  It’s fun.  It combines math and English.  It’s always interesting.  If you need any SEO help, I’m your girl.  🙂

The weekend after I found out my temp job was ending, a little bit of worry crept in.  You are aware of how the economy is right now.  Although I believe in God and trust His provision in my life, it’s sooooooo easy to fall into worry and concern over my financial future.  However, one evening while I was taking my dog for a stroll, God really spoke to me.  He said, “Lindsay, you have to believe Me for Who I am.  I am not a God of doubt or anxiety or fear.  I am a God of trust, faithfulness, belief and faith.  If you are believing in fear, worry and anxiety, then I can’t help you because I am not those things.  But if you believe and have faith for provision, protection and promotion, then I can deliver those things.  I can’t and won’t compromise My character so you need to trust me for who I AM.” 

That was a revelation!  God can’t deliver doubt.  He can’t deliver fear.  Cuz those things are not His character.  He can deliver aspects of who He is but cannot deliver aspects of who He is not.  Glorious revelation.

I also received another dog-walking revelation a week or so ago.  As my dog was doing his business, I prophesying over my life and speaking truth over my unemployed situation.  (Obviously, at that time, I did not yet know of the Search Engine Optimization job.)  I was walking around on the cold night and saying things like, “God will provide.  I am in His will.  I am walking obediently.  I am under His hand of blessing.” 

Soon, counter thoughts came in from the Enemy.  “You can’t trust God to come through for you.  Look at the economy.  You’re going to be unemployed again.  You’ll never get another job right now.  In fact, you are speaking in pride when you say God will provide.  You’re being conceited.  You are supposed to be humble.  God will oppose this.”

And, God (through the Holy Spirit) replied, “Whoa, whoa…wait a minute here.  Trusting Me is not prideful.  In fact, it’s humble.  What’s the definition of humility, Lindsay?”

“Humility is confidence properly placed in Christ,” I said.

“That’s right.” He replied, joyfully.  “So, if humility is confidence properly placed in Me and I oppose the proud and give grace to the humble, then there is nothing wrong or prideful with trusting in Me.”

“Exactly!” I exclaimed.

“Exactly.” He responded.

There’s nothing wrong with trusting God completely because He is entirely faithful to provide. 

Another lie from Satan refuted.  Another thought victory won.

2. The Church as a whole is suffering from Bible illiteracy.  That’s a big one, folks.  A big one.  So big that it may offend some of you as readers.  And, if you are offended by that, then it supports my point of being Bible illiterate.  Cuz the Bible says not to take offense. 🙂

But seriously though.  There isn’t enough Fear of the Lord in the Church today.  People don’t revere God.  People are not really in awe of Him.  And they are espeically not in awe of His Word, i.e. the Bible. 

It’s known as “The Good Book.”  If the book’s so good then why do so few people read it?  Why does no one study it and pore over the words on the pages like they pore over Harry Potter, Twilight or a Mark Twain novel?  I am speaking with exaggerated words here when I say “no one.”  But on the grand scale, it seems like no one.

I’m not just speaking to you all.  I’m also reminding myself.  I admit/confess that I do not know the Bible as well as I need to.  I will be pursuing the Word with more purpose and focus from now on.

3. I had five points a minute ago and the last three somehow got deleted because I was typing so fast and then suddenly it was gone.  I hate it when that happens.  (The things I go through for you, Abi.)

4. We officially launched New Song Murfreesboro (http://www.new-song.com) on October 26.  We meet in a movie theater.  It’s awesome to have a full-time Sunday morning church after over a year of preparation.

5. I led worship at Life Group (our church’s small group ministry) for the first time last Wednesday.  It was awesome!  It’s a humbling and awe-inspiring experience to lead worship.  I love it.  I’m excited to grow in this area.

6. My interest for marriage has been piqued.  I sense that I’m ready to move into a marriage season.  No I’m not dating.  No I’m not courting.  However, I want to do those things.  I mean…almost every single person wants to be un-single to some degree.  But I really am sensing a desire for marriage rising up inside of me.  I’m not discontent with being single.  I don’t hate being single.  I’m not even complaining.  But I am saying that I do want to get married some day.  And I hope that day comes soon.  *nod*

7. I think I’m done.  After the fiasco of losing half this blog, I better quit while these words are still here.

Sighs him up

Yesterday was my birthday.  As I sat in my car during my lunch break today, I pondered to myself, “I wonder if this’ll be the year that I find a boy….*corrects self*…a man.  I wonder if I’ll find a man this year.  Is this the year, God?  Is it?”

Since I’m 365 days older now, it was a natural point of reference to wonder about such a thing.  I’d think the same sort of stuff on January 1st.  It’s a new year, so I casually wonder what God has in store for me.

Mind you, I’m not worried.  I’m not craving every moment of my day to find a man to betrothe and live with forever.  I’m not pining over every male that I see walk by me.  I’m not even sad that I’m single.  I actually rather like it.  I’m fully aware that God uses my single years to draw me closer to Himself.  I appreciate and value my intimacy with Him.

As I munched on my Cheetos, I wondered further, “Will I get married, God?  Aren’t I supposed to be fully satisfied in You?  I know the Bible doesn’t promise that I’ll get married.  That’s not a guarantee.  I’m not unhappy this way.”

Really.  I’m not unhappy.

I continued further, “Although, I would really appreciate that level of companionship with someone.  I’d love to know someone that fully and completely.  I would love to have that eternal companion.”

I took a break and reminded myself that married people aren’t married in heaven.

“Well, eternal as far as life on earth goes.  I would love not to be alone when I go to major family events.  I’d love to have my own 4th of July celebration with my family–my husband and my kids–instead of hanging out with some other family that I don’t even really relate to.

I surmised that I don’t dwell on my current lack of marriage and companion relationship.  That makes me happy.

However, I was then reminded of something else.  I often size a brother up.  I see a guy at church that I know is single and I think to myself, “Yeah…he’d be a good husband.  I think we’d fit.”  Or…”No…he focuses too much on exercise.  I wouldn’t wanna think about health that much.”

One of my greatest weaknesses is sizing people up.  I do it for everyone, male or female.  I know it’s wrong.  I know I shouldn’t be so comparative and critical.  But so often, I am.  Let me tell you that I’m a lot better at not comparing than I used to be, but it’s still a purposeful mental battle for me not to be instantly judgmental.

I don’t pine after men.  But I do size them up according to my personal scale.

It’s honestly a mild form of objectification.  I take a man’s character and life and compare it to my personal ideals and desires.  It’s a great struggle.  One that the world thinks is stupid to even be concerned about.

Subconsciously or totally blatantly, I’m thinking about marriage when I size up a guy.

It makes me feel kinda shameful too.  I’m a tad hesitant to even mention this to the world public.  However, I think it’s something important to be discussed and admit.  After all, the Bible calls us to confess our sins to one another so that we can grow and be held accountable.

*accountably held*

My roommate mentioned that she didn’t think I’d get married this year.  I agree with her.  As long as this sized-up comparison continues, singleness will continue.

I have had days and weeks of breakthrough with this.  Sometimes I see my Christian brother and don’t think of them in a comparative way at all.  However, some days I do.

So as I tame this comparative mind of mine, please hold me accountable.  And don’t be surprised if you find yourself behaving the same way.  If ya do…let’s talk.  I have years of experience.