Crying and Dancing in Zumba Class

I cried at Zumba last night.

At least I think I cried.

It was hard to tell the tears from the sweat beading down my ruddy face.

So there I was, movin’ and shakin’ to the beat, watching the instructor in front of me and attempting to mimic her movements in the mirror.

*Step to the left and raise your right arm.*

*Step to the right and raise your left arm.*

It was like a scene in slow motion. Yet the Spanish beats were bumping and all of our hearts were cardio-pumping.

“This isn’t just a fun Zumba class,” I thought to myself. “We’re dancing for our lives. What we’re doing is miraculous. If we don’t dance, we die.”

I understand that my inner monologue sounds a lot like a teaser for a cheesy movie, but track with me here.

The path that I was on was headed for diabetes and heart disease. Sure, it was full of a lot of tasty Cheetos, but healthy looks better than Cheetos taste.

There were even points in my life where I distinctly recall a fruity taste in my mouth. I once read that an unexplained fruity taste means that a person may be diabetic. My grandma was diabetic. She also had heart issues.

Ursula

In a biggest loser competition I participated in, we chose a cartoon to depict our before and after photos. My before picture was Ursula from ‘The Little Mermaid.’ My after is Jessica Rabbit from ‘Who Framed Roger Rabbit?’

I kid you not, Ursula looks a lot like my grandma. Same body type. Even the same hair color. But my grandma was not a six-limbed octopus. She was a nice German lady. I liked her. Though I admit that I had to work really hard not to think that my grandma really was Ursula from the movie. Cuz her name was Ursula, too. And she looked so similar!

Point being, I was right on target to be a diabetic cartoon octopus.

I was considering all of those things in my slow-scene, Zumba-mirror moment. And that’s why I cried.

This has been a surprisingly emotional journey. I am so grateful for all the support I’ve received from everyone. If you’ve left me a comment or liked a post, thank you so much. You spur me on to “keep swimming” down this path of fitness.

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Flashback Forward: Reflecting on My New Reflection

Weight Update

The last time you read my words here, I was 10 pounds heavier. Today, I’m down to a 30 pound weight loss. It may be more than that by now, but I haven’t weighed myself since Wednesday. The good news is I’m getting a scale for my birthday. So after the 9th, I’ll be all sorts of accurate and you won’t have to wait to find out my weight. 🙂

Nostalgia

As I sit here typing, I’m listening to a 90s Country station on Pandora. John Michael Montgomery is crooning and I’m reflecting back on my life in the 1990s. When I look in the mirror now, I’m beginning to see a 90s version of myself.

That skinnier face peers back at me. First quizzically, as if it doesn’t know who I am. But then it realizes, and smiles–revealing that same small gap between my two front teeth. My blue eyes with the one brown spot still shine. My silly hair–half straight and half curly–gleams in all its blonde, never-colored purity.

I look like a me that’s full of possibility. I look like a more agile version of myself–a girl who will no longer stand on the floor and awkwardly reach upward to install a new shower curtain. No, now she stands on the bathtub, balancing one leg per side, so she can get a better angle at the shower curtain rod.

I’ve got friends in low places…

*sigh* Chris Gaines.

Reactions to a Healthier, Better Me

I’ve received rave reviews. People greet me in a new way, often commenting on how skinny I look or address me by the amount of weight I’ve lost. i.e. “Hey, skinny mini!” Or “Hey, 30 pounds!” This life change has definitely infused vigor into my salutations!

Others have told me I’m an inspiration. What an honor to have that consideration! Some have marveled at how open I am with my weight loss journey. I post updates on Twitter and Facebook and write blogs.

Initially, I was not open and vulnerable at all. I even had a secret weigh in for because I didn’t want anyone to know how much I weighed at the beginning of the competition. However, now that I’ve lost so much, I just step right on that scale and don’t mind who sees. 🙂

Flashback Forward

It occurred to me today that I’m about 20 pounds lighter than I was when I moved to TN in 2006. All the folks here have never seen me this way. No wonder they are so verbally responsive! I can only wonder how people react when I get down to my goal weight. I know for certain that some have thought that I wasn’t a skinny-framed person. They thought it was kind of normal that I was larger.

My Nebraska peeps obviously haven’t seen me much since I moved, but many of them will remember how I looked in high school. And how convenient that my 10 year reunion is next year. I’m not losing the weight to make a statement there, but I do enjoy that I’ll look more like the Lindsay of my classmates’ memories.

Ordinary? No. I really don’t think so. 

Yes, Kenny Chesney, this journey has been extraordinary. Sometimes it doesn’t seem real. Every day, I convince myself that I’m really doing this. I really am healthier. I really do look more fit. I really am going to continue losing weight.

And, thank the Lord, I’m back to blogging again.